Before we get to the points of tension, there’s a whole lot of non-tension to be had. And here I thought women on reality TV were only interested in one thing: arguing! Already my worldview is expanded and flipped, like a yeasty pancake.
We see Chanita spending time in the kitchen with George.
He says that he didn’t think breakfast was her strong suit. “My strong everything is my strong suit,” she replies. I’m not sure I know what she means, and I’m pretty sure that I don’t want to. Minding my own business, la dee dah. They discuss George’s career. He wants to get back to the “bigs,” but Chanita wonders at what cost. He says he’ll break it down to the last compound.
That’s poetic and sad. Chanita starts crying and says such emotion can materialize out of the blue — say, at a supermarket, when you realize that you’re buying groceries with your husband’s sacrifice.
Anyway, it’s nice that they care so much about each other and their respective situations. A million sitcom themes are flooding my head. What would Chanita and George do, baby, without them? As long as they’ve got each other, they’ve got the world spinnin’ right in their hands. Fish don’t fry in the kitchen, Chanita don’t burn bacon on the grill. Et cetera, et cetera.
Cut over to Deion and Pilar, who are out to eat. On the way in from the car, Deion limps and Pilar says, “What’s wrong with it now?” Her voice has the texture of worn denim. I get the feeling that she’s gotten a lot of use out of that particular set of words.
Deion says football camp is exhausting and he thinks he has arthritis. “You just have to live with it?” says Pilar. She sounds annoyed. Fair enough, arthritis is annoying. Deion does propose a cure, though: “The doctor said if I get some coochie four days a week…”
Pilar takes exception and says that it isn’t called coochie. What’s it called, then? Vanessa? Anyway, there’s some talk about Deion’s retirement. Pilar asks if he misses it and he says that you never miss something that you walked away from. That seems like a thing you say before you walk away instead of after, but whatever. Can’t fault a staunch character.
Finally, there is Brittany who’s “just a girlfriend,” she explains. “It’s OK. We all start there!” she says. That’s the spirit! Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for that marriage license. She and bf David Buehler did recently buy a puppy together, though, so she does see the relationship progressing…
Dave offers to chew up food and feed it to the puppy “like a mama bird.” This is a sign that their relationship is progressing toward one between a woman and a bird.
Anyway, it’s cute. Brittany says that she could see herself with him for the rest of her life and…
…it’s easy to see why she could see that.
Tongue agility can only make an attractive guy more attractive. FACT.
And at last, we reach our true first point of tension (kind of):
Dawn versus Chanita (jokey sporty edition)
It all starts when Dawn, Chanita, Melani and Mercedes (who obviously hasn’t been written off the show, duh) get together to play some golf.
“The black people have invaded the golf course. They’re never inviting us back,” announces Melani. She sounds less revolutionary than despondent. And also possibly correct, atrociously enough? Golf courses, still a breeding ground for racism after all these years! What a world! Anyway, Chanita being the brassy young woman she was put on this earth to be, immediately starts talking trash and says that the winning team gets to make over the losing team (it’s Chanita and Mercedes versus Dawn and Melani, by the way). She promises cornrows and Cross Colours. I am salivating in expectation. If someone doesn’t end up looking like Queen Latifah in Set It Off by the end of the episode, I’m going to consider it a failure all around.
There’s some bickering over Dawn’s poor shot in a sand trap and her drinking. Dawn says she needs more than the one drink she has to get toasty. “I was nowhere near drunk. I could show you drunk,” she promises. Well, reality TV is a hell of a showcase for drunkenness if one is so inclined.
Chanita gloats. Dawn says it isn’t fun to play with her. Chanita says that the point of sports isn’t to have fun, but to win. But isn’t winning fun? “You are killing the youth of America,” claims Chanita in response to Dawn’s far-out idea that people do things for the fun of them.
Dawn thinks Chanita is the reason teenagers blow out their knees. She also says Chanita’s taking everything way too seriously.
“It’s no way silly. Don’t nobody play a sport to lose,” is Chanita’s reply. The irony of it all is that this argument is clearly for sport and Chanita seems to be having a fine time doing it. Melani calls them both hoodrats, but not to their faces, lest she experience what I’m sure she’d call ‘rat wrath.
Anyway, Chanita and Mercedes end up winning.
Dawn accepts her fate of a dookie braid and Coogi. I guess she anticipates looking like Mystikal?
They soon find themselves eating. Melani informs them that their display was the worst golf etiquette she’s ever seen. Dawn unconvincingly yells, “We were having a discussion!”
Chanita refers to her dynamic with Dawn as “textbook frenemies.” The question is, then, will things come to a head in biology class or during prom? Stay tuned to find out! Chanita says that she feels like the weight of a country is depending on her. She phrases it to sound like she’s some kind of nutritionist ambassador, but what she actually means is that she runs a charity (Beyond the Game) for poverty stricken women and orphans in Swaziland. This causes sacrifice at home, which sometimes amounts to her kids not being able to take expensive dance classes. Dawn doesn’t see why she should sacrifice her children’s things for the sake of another country.
Chanita interviews that Dawn called her a bad parent (which she didn’t — even if she thought that, Dawn’s too smart to actually verbalize it in those words). Chanita also reveals in a vaguely threatening way that she is 6 feet tall and weighs 190 lbs. Just in case you were wondering.
Meanwhile, checking in on Brittany and David, they’re…
…playing beer pong. These crazy kids!
They have their whole lives ahead of them! Wait till they discover the majesty of darts.
Crossing back over to the Melani-Dawn-Chanita-Mercedes powwow, it’s time for the makeovers. They are so good.
I can’t even tell you the amount of women I saw with bangs like that growing up in Jersey. I just want to curl up and fall asleep in that wig Dawn’s wearing. Her hair feels like home.
But that’s not even the half of it! Chanita dresses them in stuff that makes American Apparel look like a line of nun habits.
Dawn says a high-priced call girl wouldn’t wear what they are. It’s strictly streetwalker chic, kind of on the New Wave Hookers tip. Melani’s really funny, though. She isn’t apparently demure all the time and makes a big show on Dawn’s stoop, calling the neighbors’ attention. She runs into the middle of the street and yells, “My name Queefa Sheneneh Sheneneh. ‘Cause sometimes you need to have two names to go with your look.” I’ll have to remember that two names thing because it’s seriously so true. I wish all the time I had two names to go with my look.
(I’m also mourning the lack of Cross Colours. This was fun, but they did not Set It Off!)
And then, another actual point of tension:
Dawn versus Chanita (for real this time)
Chanita has invited Dawn out to eat to confront her textbook frenemy on something she said to her kid: Chanita alleges that Dawn told Chanita’s kid that she won’t be able to take dance classes because Chanita’s sending all of her money to Africa. Chanita interviews, “You wanna send me to jail fast, mess with one of my kids.” Might not want to be that explicit about your Achilles heel to a national audience, unless, in fact, you are actually interested in going to jail.
Anyway, Dawn can’t believe this.
She asks if Chanita’s serious. Chanita says, “Dead ass.” And if things go her way, that won’t be the only dead ass by the end of the conversation. Dawn explains that she was kidding with the child and assured her that even if Chanita can’t come through, Dawn will handle the dance tuition. This does nothing to soothe Chanita. Her’s a sampling of her emotional progression:
Dawn tells her she’s too sensitive. Before storming out, Chanita warns Dawn that if she ever does it again, she’ll walk Dawn “like a dog.” As opposed to walking her like a geriatric person who needs a walker? “That girl got problems,” says Dawn, capping the flare-up. Pilar established that last episode, but Dawn wasn’t around to hear. See what happens when you leave things early?
Source: http://blog.vh1.com/2010-10-31/football-wives-recap-episode-2-points-of-tension/
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